Cauliflower Crust Hot Pockets

Guys, this recipe is phenomenal. Truly, madly, deeply phenomenal.
But let’s start from the beginning.
Let’s start from Hot Pockets.
For those of you unfamiliar with Hot Pockets, they’re wildly popular microwaveable turnovers, made of dough and stuffed with a LOT of cheese, meat, and/or vegetables.
They probably are the quintessential microwaveable food.
I actually can’t think of any other food that screams “microwave food” as much as Hot Pockets do.
Grab one from the freezer, remove the wrapper, pop it in the microwave, nuke it for 2 minutes, and voila’ a steamy Hot Pocket ready to be devoured.


So why Hot Pockets?
Because the other day, as I was hurrying through the aisle of the supermarket, I absent-mindedly looked at the frozen entrées section, and among Celeste Pizzas, Bagel Bites, White Castle Burgers, and Lean Cuisines, there they were, Hot Pockets.
I suddenly realized I haven’t had a HP in like a million years, but now I wanted one.
That's the power of commercials people.
As much as I like to think that I’m not susceptible of being influenced, let alone manipulated, by advertising, just like everybody else, I probably am.
And somehow the "Buy Me" message hidden in that bizarre Hot Pockets’ commercial I keep seeing on TV (you know, the one featuring Snoop Dogg and Kate Upton), has creeped into my mind, forcing its way into my subconscious, taking over everything.
So there I was, standing in a cold aisle of a supermarket holding a package of frozen Ham & Cheese Hot Pockets, on the verge of buying it.

But there’s one thing the advertisers had not predicted when they casted their evil spell.
That this triathlete - which is a now nothing more than a puppet with no will power whatsoever - always checks the ingredients on every packet or container before buying it.
As soon as my eyes saw "lovely" stuff such as Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Partially Hydrogenated Palm Kernel Oil, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate and Methylcellulose the spell was broken, and I returned to my senses.
Phew...that was close.
Then it dawned on me, I can still have Hot Pockets, Cauliflower Crust Hot Pockets!

My biggest concern in making these babies was with the cauliflower crust lack of flexibility.
Let me explain.
One thing is to spread cauliflower crust on a baking sheet and top it with all sort of stuff to make a pizza; but bend it, fold it, tuck it, stuff it to make a Hot Pocket? That's a whole different story...
My concerns were soon gone. Turns out, the cauliflower crust bends like Beckham and allows to make perfectly shaped Hot Pockets. Easy.

Cauliflower crust hot pockets are arguably the best thing that happened to cauliflower crust.
They’re beyond delicious and totally guilt-free.
Double, triple, quadruple this recipe; there is never going to be enough cauli crust hot pockets in your life!
Cauliflower Crust Hot Pockets                                                                                               Print this recipe!

Ingredients

Makes 2 Hot Pockets

1 small head cauliflower, cut into small florets (should yield 3 cups of cauliflower rice)
1 free-range organic egg, lightly beaten
½ cup / 1.7 oz / 50 gr shredded mozzarella cheese
½ teaspoon fine grain sea salt
½ teaspoon dried oregano
½ teaspoon garlic powder
¼ teaspoon ground black pepper

Filling:

½ cup cubed cheese (I used cheddar)
½ cup cubed ham (I used smoked ham)

Grated Parmesan cheese to taste

Directions

Preheat oven to 450°F (220°C) and place a rack in the middle.
Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and then cut it in half. Liberally grease each piece of parchment paper with olive oil. Set aside.
In a food processor rice the cauliflower florets (it should be evenly chopped but not completely pulverized).
Transfer cauliflower rice to a microwave-safe dish and microwave on high for 8 minutes, until cooked.
Place the cauliflower rice in a tea towel and twist it to squeeze as much moisture as you can (I usually squeeze out over a cup of liquid). This is very important. The cauliflower rice needs to be dry, otherwise you’ll end up with mushy dough, impossible to fold into pockets.
Transfer the cauliflower rice to a mixing bowl, add egg, mozzarella, oregano, garlic powder, salt and pepper and mix well.
Divide the cauliflower into two parts. Spread onto the two parchment paper pieces and form into an oval/rectangle.
Place in the oven and bake for exactly 10 minutes (no more, no less, 10 minutes).
Remove from the oven and spread cheese and ham cubes in the middle of the rectangles.
With a large spatula lift the longer sides of the crust and form into a burrito-like shape (you may also use the parchment paper to help you do this!)
Flip them seam down and tuck/fold the shorter side to form your pockets (I know this may sound complicated but it’s actually pretty intuitive).
Top liberally with grated Parmesan cheese and garlic powder (if you can handle it!)
Return to the oven and bake for an additional 12 minutes.
Let sit a couple of minutes before serving.
As the pockets cool the cauliflower crust hardens and you can easily eat them with your hands.

Nutrition facts

One pocket yields 320 calories, 20 grams of fat, 7 grams of carbs and 24 grams of protein.